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 Jokes... :)

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Autumn
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Location : USA

PostSubject: Jokes... :)   Tue Feb 01, 2011 1:44 pm

*****************************************

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!' The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff, or mountain stuff?' 'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'




********************************************

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband. Wink



*************************************



Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent.'
'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of chardonnay.'


********************************************


A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.

'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL!! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?

They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL!
You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! salt.
USE THE SALT! THE SALT!!!"

The wife stared at him.
'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'
The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.'



********************************************************

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army.

On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb.

That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.

On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.

That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.

On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.

The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

*******************************************


:LOL:


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mick
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes... :)   Sun May 29, 2011 11:51 am

they were funny lol


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Autumn
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes... :)   Thu Jun 09, 2011 12:57 am

LOL.. I'm glad you liked them. Very Happy


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drake
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PostSubject: Re: Jokes... :)   Tue Jul 03, 2012 7:16 pm

What does a pig put on itself when it gets a rash?


OINKMENT!!!!


Duck walks into a drug store and asks for chapstick. Chemist says, "That'll be $2.49"
Duck says, "Put it on my bill"

Invisible man walks into a crowded doctor's office. Nurse says to the doctor, "The invisible man is here for an appointment"
Doctor says, "Tell him I can't see him"


Q: What kind of horses go out after dark?
A: Nightmares!


Q: Two silk worms were in a race...what was the result?
A: A Tie!


What flower is between your nose and your chin?

tulips!


"normal is an illusion. what is chaos for the fly is normal for the spider "

"errrrgghhh" - mister bubbles

"tubby tiger! " -two kinds

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Jokes... :)
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